Fentanyl 100mg, brand name Duragesic, was the primary prescription. Then there were the additional meds just for the side effects of a narcotic that was 100 times stronger than morphine. Anti-depressants, anti-nauseants, anti-constipation meds….etc.
It was a facebook friend who called 911. My husband, in the other room, didn’t care enough to check on me to make sure that I was alright I am not certain what was in his mind at the time, but he didn’t appear interested in my well being, or what withdrawal from a medication as strong as fentanyl can be. It can very often be fatal.
I had been first prescribed Duragesic on the Fall of 2002. I had lost my job only a month before I lost my “abilities”. Isn’t that what “dis-abled” means? My physician informed me that during the walk that I had taken with my family at the end of August (on fairly level ground, no more than a mile or so), was enough “gravity” to pull my bladder down once again. That was supposed to explain my pain. Truth be told, the initial injuries to that part of my body were made my my father when I was only an infant.In the months that followed, I had another bladder surgery, but that surgery left the two major nerves that pass over my pubic bone chronically inflamed. I was in agony.The next five years were spent MAINLY in bed, on Fentanyl (it was at 100 mcg for over 20 months, only keeping withdrawals at bay. That medication’s effectiveness against pain always diminished within 3 months of a dosage change) and Percocet.Then I started smoking marijuana for breakthrough pain.My husband at the time did not approve. I smoked in “our” room. My bed, which in fact, WAS my home, was where I was “allowed” to smoke. If I did it when we were out, I had to take a walk around a building and hide. Even after I became “legal” with my medical card.
I remember walking away, leaving my husband, the day after Father’s Day 2009. He txt’d me that he was having chest pains, so I returned. I never returned emotionally. On March 20, 2010, I finally left physically. It was the first day of the rest of my life.
My challenges I have made public, I know no other way to be. I seek to share my trials in the hopes that others will know they are not alone. Alone is a very sad feeling. Love and Light to all.